Superwoman – Sandwoman

by joanabagano

There are days when I feel extra beautiful. I wake up early and remember my dreams, write them down and after reading them, realize that they could be turned into a fancy fictional story. I have my quiet time — I talk to God and hear from Him so loud and clear as if He were close enough to touch, to taste. I do my homework and finish it in a dash — not because I am rushing but because the inspiration is there. I look in the mirror and don’t see any blemish — I’m, yeah, extra beautiful.

These are the easy, painless days. These are the days when praise comes by easy. I don’t feel any stress or pressure and it’s as if nothing in the world can stop me from doing what I want to accomplish. I feel like Superwoman.

But what if I suddenly wake up and the dream has been forgotten? What if I wake up cold and frozen? What if…what if I open my Bible and just see a mash and mix-up of words from far away and long ago? What if I turn to God and He’s not there? What if I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize me?

The what if’s are unthinkable…and like archaeologists digging up lands and finding water, the what if’s start ravaging through my insides — opening up wounds and memories of the past and yes, switching my faucets on. Sometimes they turn and turn the faucet but still no water comes out.

These are the days when the archaeologists find plenty of artifacts but  no fountains. They are in the dry, arid desert but even in the deepest parts of it, there is no moisture.

I am no longer Superwoman but Sandwoman — when the wind blows I can fade  away, grain by fleeting grain, into extinction.

I am so awed right now. And this is even an understatement because as I’m reading it, I feel that awe is a very lame word. I don’t know what else to use.

For the whole day, I’ve been asking God to give me something to write. I told Him to give me a new perspective —  to let me use anything, any metaphor and help me create something from there. It has been my longing to write wisdom since He revealed to me that lately, I’ve sidetracked and wrote too much nonsense. He rebuked my heart and told me that I am channeling my emotions in the wrong places.

When I started writing the article above, I didn’t know where I would end. I didn’t know what Scripture it would lead me to. I just asked Him to let the words flow and let the ideas come. When I looked up the word ‘sand’ in the Bible, I was expecting nothing.

And yet God gave me something.

I am crying now because He is just really so — forgive me for using 2012’s top banned word — amazing. And even if all the praise adjectives get banned, I don’t care. I’ll use them all for Him because He’s all those and more.

But back to my post because this is the part that I’ve been waiting to write.

This verse showed up in the results page. I’ve read Isaiah a long time ago but I don’t know where in my memory gap-filled mind this verse went. God gave it to me anew today:

The burning sand will become a pool, 
   the thirsty ground bubbling springs. 
In the haunts where jackals once lay, 
   grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
                                                                 Isaiah 35:7

I cried over this one verse and how it has been revealed to me. Usually, when I want to write, God sends a piece of Scripture and then I go figure and understand what He wants to say. And then there are those rarer moments when God gives the intuition first and then a Word I have never read before or have never thought to be relevant.

When I opened my Bible and read the whole chapter, I…cried all the more. This is the version of my study Bible (NKJV), with my comments:

The Future Glory of Zion
(Zion = Me, since Zion is the Kingdom of God and God abides in me)

35 The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them,
And the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose

(God transforms the broken and dry into the beautiful and the overflowing);

It shall blossom abundantly and rejoice,
Even with joy and singing.

(Even in its dryness, God will be able to make it worship and praise Him.)
The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,
The excellence of Carmel and Sharon.
They shall see the glory of the Lord,
The excellency of our God.

(Wow. I have been dry because of myself. God transformed me, nonetheless. And what more, He allows me to have a revelation of Him and His excellence!)

Strengthen the weak hands,
And make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who are fearful-hearted,
“Be strong, do not fear!
Behold, your God will come with vengeance,
With the recompense of God;
He will come and save you.”

(God is restoring me, bone by bone. My God will come and He will come for me.)

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
And the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.

(He will show me new things — imagine a blind person gaining vision — oh, the joy of finally being able to see — it’s indescribable. I shall hear from Him continuously.)
Then the lame shall leap like a deer,
And the tongue of the dumb sing.
For waters shall burst forth in the wilderness,
And streams in the desert.

(Remember the word ‘lame’ in the earlier part of this post? God is telling me that my words will leap and go forth like a deer — swiftly it will move through the jungle and into the mountains where it will proclaim God’s magnificence. I will become productive as I have never thought before, as people have never thought before.)
The parched ground shall become a pool,
And the thirsty land springs of water;
In the habitation of jackals, where each lay,
There shall be grass with reeds and rushes.

(Not only will water come out but there will be a thriving — of plants and greenery, of life. I will be full of life. Full of Him.)

A highway shall be there, and a road,
And it shall be called the Highway of Holiness.
The unclean shall not pass over it,
But it shall be for others.
Whoever walks the road, although a fool,
Shall not go astray.

(I am a fool but despite my foolish state, He is leading me on.)
No lion shall be there,
Nor shall any ravenous beast go up on it;
It shall not be found there.
But the redeemed shall walk there,

(He has made me walk where I couldn’t go before and where He is, I am safe.)
10 And the ransomed of the Lord shall return,
And come to Zion with singing,
With everlasting joy on their heads.
They shall obtain joy and gladness,
And sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

(He has done all this so I can rejoice in His name…because that is just exactly what I was made to do.)

One priceless hour past. The Word He gave me was exceptional, especially in this season of confusion — my spiritual highs and lows are so volatile like some of  the business cycles abroad. One day I’m so giddy about Him, the next I don’t feel like opening my Bible.

But more than that, He gave me the wisdom that I was asking Him. That even before I looked up any Scriptural relevance to what I was trying to write — He was there in my thoughts and in my words. He guided my fingers and led me to where He wanted to take me.

He never fails to come. As surely as the dawn appears, He will come. He will come when we ask Him to. We just need to wait. And wait. And wait. Because even if we think He is taking too long, God is on the move. He is already sending  His Holy Spirit ahead.

I may be Superwoman today and then Sandwoman the next but no matter who ‘woman’ I become, I have a Super God. And He’s all that matters.