For what really scared me about hell were not the fires that cannot be quenched or the physical pain that awaited me if I hadn’t given my life to Him. What scared me, and this was a fear that I had not instantaneously acquired but had developed, was the eternal separation from the Being that I had so longed for all my life, the Quencher Himself. I did not realize that there was more to the fear that had kept me up for nights on end until one day when I finally got to thinking that my fear of physical pain and torture must have been coming from something else.
This is just similar to life. Living is a gift by the Giver of life and because He is a giver, He is a quencher. He satisfies needs, hunger and thirsts. He vanquishes pain when He wants to and exercises it when He needs to. However, before I will be able to take hold of what He has, I have to acknowledge that He exists, that He has them all and that He is willing to reach out His hands and provide for me according to His will.
For I realized that if it is still the fires of hell that scare me and motivate me to share people to Him, I am not after Him but the relinquishing of pain that He can do for me and for the people I love in this life. I am after the service and not the Server, after the good, not the producer. In this sense then, I am just a consumer who is, in a real world setting, disconnected from the producer.
I told myself that I didn’t want that disconnection, that apathy that bleeds into hostility as days turn into months and months into years. I can already say that that is hell in this life because in its very essence, hell is not really about the physical torture or the ‘gnashing of teeth’, as is popular in common culture, but about a separation, a disconnection that may begin now and continue until after I die if I don’t look to the Giver and hold His hand.
Being now fully confident of who I am in Christ, the fear has since the day I accepted Him been erased. What cast it out was His perfect love which also took its rightful place in my heart as the motivator and activator of my life. Hell is now just an afterthought.